This is for the people who care about me, my best friends. Nobody else.

To all my good friends
Im sorry about everything 
Lately I have been a mess
I don't know why

I know I haven't been making an effort to see you 
Or written back to your messages
I just need you to know I love you all
And please don't leave my life because of this


When I get out of this place Im in I will find you all
one by one
and apologize
but right now nothing really makes me happy
Everything is just blank


You may say you have seen me laughing or smiling in person or in photos
I thought about it last night, all of that was just temporary happiness
It only lasts a few seconds-minutes and when it's gone its empty again


Im in this weird place right now
I need support but I just want to be alone

I wrote this to a good friend when I was drunk
It sounds stupid but it is how I feel


"Im at a party sitting by myself, I don't understand I just want to go home. These people make me irritable and I just hate being here. I dont understand. I see my friends, I want to be by myself. I see my boyfriend, I just want to be by myself in my own home. I go out to a party, I just want to go home. Im at home, alone, and I just feel lonely and bad to my friends."


I have been absorbing myself within schoolwork and photography lately
but i still feel so bad,
your always writing to me on facebook, texting me, calling me
Im really sorry, you treat me so well and you deserve better
I just wrote this blog to apologize to you all


you are amazing people and i love you all so much
thankyou